I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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