i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
