Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
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