i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
dude i'm inner monologue high
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
