white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm like, not good at living.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
