I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
