I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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