does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The adults are the big ones right?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
