i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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