Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
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