i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I came so hard my ears popped.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
