matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
