wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
