I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
