I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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