Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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