the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
