I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
