Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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