Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
