I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
