party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
