And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
