Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
