im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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