He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
organizing the empties. That sober.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
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