I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
