I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
