I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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