she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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