Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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