Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
