i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
