I wish my penis had an off switch
okay pat passed out under dana's car
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
