he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I smell like Dick and happiness
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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