Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
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I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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