my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize