Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
