i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
