the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
