oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
