So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
