well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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