I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
