I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
