some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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