Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
