My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Come share oat with me in your robe
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
