well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
