if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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