It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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