Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
