I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
