come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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