i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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