Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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