Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
