So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
