Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
That was an excessively violent trivia night
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
