I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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