So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
