Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
