he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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