I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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