I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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