We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
