oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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