In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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