So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
