made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
